If a robber tried to rob a dance club and yelled, "Everybody get down", would all the people start dancing?
Why do people say, "You can’t have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can’t eat it?
Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn’t be more fun to eat a big one?
If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?
Why do people call it an ATM machine, don’t they know they’re really saying Automated Teller Machine Machine?
If the weather man says "it’s a 50% chance of rain" does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing". So I didn’t dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them. I think it was the salad.
Wednesday: I decided to serve rice and found a recipe, which said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice". So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kind of silly in the middle of the day. I can’t say it improved the rice anyhow.
They are finally out again. You all know about the Darwin Awards - Its an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year’s winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
And the nominees are:
1.) A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
2.) Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
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